Just a Wild and Crazy Me

Figure, cropped, charcoal on newsprint (c)1976 DST

Who doesn't worry?  Who doesn't feel fear?  Is there anyone who doesn't feel panic once in a while?  Or is it just me?

I'm chugging away reading Walking in This World from the Artist's Way series of courses on creative blocks.  Week 9- Discovering a Sense of Resiliency, talks about creative people being prone to apprehension and skittishness.  Panic is described as an escalating sense of terror that floods and immobilizes by the 'glare of change' as, "How am I going to get there?"  Worry is unfocused anxiety that distracts us from a real fear.  Fear, they go on to say, is not obsessive like worry or escalating like panic, but is reality based and is our ally.

As far as we creative people are concerned, the more active and negative our imagination is, the more creative energy we have.  Well I'll be darned!  If I knew that I guess I would've felt better about being a panicky, worry wart, fearful, superstitious neurotic!  

"Fearful and neurotic people are those with the best imaginations. Worry is the imagination's negative stepsister."

Oh gee, I'm so happy to know that!   So when my mind is racing and talking to me from every where blabbing it's big mouth, my creative juices are actually working?  What a relief!  I thought I was just crazy!

The writing of Morning Pages should work to rid us of negative energy and talk because it siphons off the worry at the start of the day.  In the pages I can name, claim, and dump most of my negative talk, anger, fear about all sorts of things and people.  Dump the stuff in the page, close the book and walk away.    Nausea, asthma attacks, stomach upset are all from worry and we need to recognize it as misplaced creative energy.  Is it possible this book right?  Wow, who knew?

Fear is scary, we think, but what we fail to see is that fear is positive.  "Fear is a blip on the radar screen."  The author suggest we give Fear a pet name.  Ok, now what kind of name can I give my little side-kick?  I'll have to think about that. 

Fears are base on inaccurate info.  When fear kicks in we are supposed to reach for action.  Fear is sending a signal, but what's the signal mean?  Do I need Morse Code to figure it out?  How about when you're in the middle of a full blown panic?  Tell me I can think of what the signal is while I'm waiting for my racing heart to slow down. 

I don't know, but I'm writing it all down in the Pages every morning like clock work.  Well, now I feel really good knowing that all my craziness was just me being such a wildly creative artist! (Hand over mouth, laughing out loud!)