|Painting in progress|
I must slow down my progress on this garden painting. I'm trying to figure out why I'm in such a rush while painting. Where's the fire, huh? I don't take into account that I'm working with a medium that needs to dry somewhat before I keep throwing more paint in an area. What's that word? Impatient? I feel like I want to see results while I'm painting, but with these watercolors I'm learning I need to wait just a bit or there's going to be mud, not color and form. While I was working on this I had to stop myself from continuing.
Is it that I'm working from life that gives me a sense of urgency? The idea that I'm present and ready, let's get it down before I lose the feeling? I don't get that sense when I work from my photos. No, with photos I get too detail-y. Maybe it's the idea in my head that time and light is fleeting?
When I paint from life I forget where I am and it's a good feeling. But I push it and keep painting like a mindless robot, just adding color, shadow, lines, water, with out of body movements. As I wake from my painting stupor, I look at the work I did and think, "Ok, you did it again and messed it up! Idiot." Some how I don't tear up the work and I just leave it tossed aside discarded like the trash, but not in the trash. Later on while passing by on my way to another room I see it and think "Oh that's how it looks now? How come it's not as bad as I thought?" Things seem to work.
Funny thing is I always forget that it's the process not the outcome. Why is that? I wish I could figure out how my brain works. How long does it take to grow up?